When I learned I was pregnant, I was ecstatic. I wanted to have children so badly.

But as the number on the scale increased, I got scared about what my body would ultimately look like in the end.

Learning I was having twins intensified everything. I read that women pregnant with one child should gain around 25 to 35 pounds; it's up to 45 for women having two.

Since I always want to take off about 10 pounds, the idea of loading on nearly 50 was frightening.

I made the mistake of talking to women who had twins and were scheduling their tummy tucks to take care of twinskin. (That's the flap of skin that never tightens after a twin pregnancy.)

I saw photos online of women with insane stretch marks and flapjack stomachs. I have never had a six-pack but I've always had a flat belly. I tried to remember that whatever physical changes I endured would be worth it. If I lost my stomach permanently, then that was just my fate. The aging process would have wreaked havoc on my body anyway, so I might as well get kids out of the deal.

A few books out there instruct women pregnant with multiples to pack on the weight fast and furiously in case the children arrive early. One book recommends 3,600-calorie diets a day, which is no easy task.

A friend who followed that regimen strictly gained 75 pounds. I realized that I had to listen to my body. Pregnancy was no time to worry about staying thin, but I didn't have to stuff myself to make sure the babies were getting what they needed.

So I ate. A few too many slices of pizza and orders of fries, but also lots of vitamins and veggies.

When I had my final weigh-in before the delivery, I had gained 46 pounds. More than I hoped for, but nothing extraordinary. I was certain being on bedrest would make that number even higher, but it hadn't.

Of course, I couldn't exercise to work on at least having toned legs and arms to offset my bulging belly. I was certain as I laid there my muscles were atrophying at outrageous rates, leaving me looking like Grimace.

On June 2, I had two babies. By the time I got home from the hospital a few days later I had lost 15 or so pounds. A few weeks later I was down nearly 30.

I felt pretty amazing, like I had uncovered this new quick-fix weight loss regime. But then it all slowed down.

It took another month to lose another 5 pounds, slowly but surely. And then it all just stopped. I wasn't allowed to work out for those first six weeks postpartum, but once I could I didn't rush to the gym. I exercise when I can, but I'm often too tired to think about an organized workout. A lot of moms say chasing kids is a great way to burn fat but at just shy of 4 months mine don't exactly run yet.

They say the last 10 pounds is the hardest; I hate that they are right. It doesn't help that I want to eat all the time and am not drinking the gallon of water I drank every day during my pregnancy. Some days I miss meals because I'm so busy with the kids, and I know that's no good for my metabolism.

Some women laugh about slipping on maternity clothes for months after having kids because they are so comfortable. I did that, then decided it wasn't going to motivate me. So they are tucked in a bin in the basement.

Many days I feel disgusting, despite surprised remarks about how I couldn't have possibly just given birth to twins. I should soak that all up and realize it could be so much worse. But I'm worried that the months are going to slip away and a year since the babies will find me still wishing I'd drop the rest of the weight.

Luckily, my fears of twinskin were unfounded. I have two stretch marks on my side that don't even measure an inch together. But my belly isn't toned like it used to be, and when I look in the mirror I cringe and think, "Monster."

I know I have time to lose the extra weight. It doesn't have to be my fate to wear a size bigger for the rest of my life. I just need to realize there is no instant fix for my new body. I can tighten and tone but it may never be the same again.

I'm hoping to lose 20 pounds by the holidays -- 10 from the pregnancy and that other 10 that I wanted gone anyway.

I can still be a hot mom whose body doesn't scream, "I just bore two children." People can tell that from my messy hair and spitup on my clothes.

Laura Lewis Brown is the mother of infant twins. Her column appears every other Thursday.