Dear DoubleTake,
I am a 27-year-old female young professional dating a 21-year-old who still has two years left in college. I left my previous boyfriend of 4 years for him. We met in Alaska while working on a remote island for six weeks.
After we left Alaska we continued to talk and arranged to met for New Years Eve, which was amazing. He is from Mississippi, and I lived in North Carolina at the time. It was too far to actually have a relationship; however, in January I got a job in Louisiana, only five hours from him.
We are now in a fully committed, long-distance relationship and see each other almost every weekend. I love him and I know he loves me. I would marry this guy in a heartbeat.
My problem is, I have already done the entire college experience. I really believe that this has a future, but I don't want to keep him from experiencing all the carefree craziness that is college. The hardest part is that I have a really good job that I'm not going to leave.
If this relationship continues, we would spend the next two years in a long-distance relationship. Even though six years isn't that big of an age difference, I'm afraid we are in different phases of life. If the genders were reversed, I don't believe it would even be an issue, but since I'm the older one, I can't help but feel there is a time constraint.

BETTY SAYS:

Talk to your boyfriend about his priorities for the next five years. Although you want him to experience the wild college life, maybe he's not the "Animal House" type. It's possible that all he wants is to finish his education, get a career and marry.

There's something in your letter that notes a shared sense of adventure, though, like working in Alaska and meeting in New York for New Year's. It's understandable that a preemptive breakup before a possible quarter-life crisis hits him would seem like a good solution for you.

You've both put a lot of commitment into this relationship, so there's potential here for a loving future.

When you have your chat, one of the most important things to discuss is the distance. Are you both willing to keep up the drive for the next few years? If that's a negative, then your answer is clear.

EDDIE SAYS:

Yes, definitely get his feelings on this issue. Since you didn't mention his response, it sounds like you have not asked him yet if he worries about this discrepancy.

Many people go through many years of college with one serious relationship. Yes, that person usually has campus business as well, but if you can visit and go do things with him sometimes -- and let him have a life when you aren't around -- this doesn't have to kill your relationship.

While the potential problems you mention can become very real, it makes me wonder if you seek out problems that don't really exist. I don't feel sure that this is the case, but ask yourself if you have your own fears about keeping an LDR going for this long, so you're trying to turn them into a concern for him, rather than face your own worries.

One other thing to consider: If you really want to be together, why can't he transfer schools? Why can't you look for a job closer to him? If the relationship is the most important thing to you both -- and it's fine if it's not -- those other things can be managed.

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Do you need a second -- and third -- opinion about a problem in your life? Ask Double Take and you'll get two points of view: one from Eddie, a married family man in his early 30s, and one from Betty, a single woman in her 20s.

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Double Take writers are not trained psychologists and their responses should not be taken as a substitute for professional advice. Double Take reserves the right to edit submissions. Double Take Archive:
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