My fiance, Jack, and I have been fighting a lot lately. Ever since I moved in and the utility bills have increased, he thinks he can keep tabs on my wallet.
Now I hear that I go out too much, shop too much and don't put nearly enough toward my student loans each month.
The recent focus of debate has been my planned weekend trip to Florida with one of my bridesmaids. Since Jack is paying the mortgage, he believes it means he would be paying for me to go away when I should be at home saving up to pay down my debt.
Why should he pay for me to go gallivanting when he is putting a roof over my head? he thinks.
I'm pretty sure I heard my dad say something like that once. I didn't like it then, and I like it even less now.
I thought his continuing to pay the mortgage -- as he has done for the past seven years -- wouldn't be a major hardship to him. I thought that he wouldn't feel like he was paying my way, but that he'd be helping out.
We agreed it was a way for me to work away at my bills, and I would help out by buying the groceries until the wedding. Then I would take care of more of our joint expenses.
But the set up translates to him taking care of me. You see, Jack wants to be my protector, but that's not what I want from our relationship.
He strongly suggests his view that I spend my money irresponsibly; I don't want his help.
I always hear how we women dream that a knight will come along and rescue us. Sometimes it seems like that's what Jack is trying to do. He comes along, offers to take care of me ... but not with some blank check to pay my debts. Rather, his offer comes with a few strings attached.
I definitely don't want a free ride on the knight's horse or, worse, to owe anyone anything, so why do I have to hear how I should run my finances? Because they are also his finances now, and his voice is louder because he has the money and I don't.
And part of the reason my penny-pinching hero is so vocal about expenses is that he is a product of divorce. He learned not to trust long ago, and while he wants our marriage to work out he realizes that down the road it could get ugly and I could be gunning for his BMW or his retirement savings.
My champion doesn't want to get cheated in the end if things don't work out, no matter how much he trusts me. And each time I go shopping -- not extravagantly, mind you -- his worst fears hit him.
Suddenly it becomes a real possibility that I could be like the woman in the papers, the one who apparently killed her husband after he kicked her out. Why did he want to divorce her? Because she had hid nearly $50,000 in credit card debt from him. Those things can happen, but that doesn't mean it will.
I find all of his fears so insulting. I take care of myself. I have worked since I was 14. My parents have helped me out along the way, but I have lived on my own, supported myself, and paid my rent, my car payment, my insurance.
Now, I am working a second job to help with wedding expenses and to afford weekend excursions with my best friend. Is that so wrong? Don't ask Jack -- and why should I have to?
Ultimately, his plan is that I won't have to work when we have children. That sounds pretty nice, but the path to getting there is rigid. It means I have to toil for the next few years to pay off my loans, missing out on a fun weekend here and there. Perhaps if it was completely my idea, I'd find it easier to take.
But now we have to reach a compromise, where our ultimate goals fit with our immediate desires. I can give up on the luxuries for awhile as I plug away at my loans, but I have to have a say in my money, even if it is our money.
I want to find a way to maintain my independence while not alienating my partner in life. I don't think our marriage will work unless I learn to lean and he learns that the burden isn't all his.
So here I am fighting with an at-times-unreasonable fiance for my freedom, when it really isn't about that. It's about sharing life, not picking sides and holding onto our own stuff.
My knight in shining armor doesn't always see things the way I want him to, but compromise isn't about getting what I want, it's about getting what we want.
Now we just have to figure out what that is.
Laura Lewis is an adventurous 20-something who has loved, lost and doesn't mind sharing. Her column appears every other Thursday. 
