My husband Jack and I have gone back and forth on the baby-making decision for months now. I have gone from feeling like I'm trying to convince him to undergo major surgery to wishing I could just stop thinking about babies indefinitely.

I want to try, he wants to wait. Then I realize that maybe we should wait, and we take another step back.

Since there is no perfect time, should we just go for it? We'll probably try now or later, but should we tell anyone?

I know couples who tell their family and friends they are trying without hesitation. I understand they are looking for support, but I would see it as telling people about our sex life.

That's why my parents will probably be the last to know about any pregnancy plans.

It's like saying, "Yes, Dad, I'm doing it." He might already assume a married woman does that, but spelling it out is just not necessary.

As the negotiations and ruminations have gone on, I have talked to a few friends about our plans. Each time I say a word about babies and making them, I regret it.

Some of my friends can't relate, no matter how hard they try. They are supportive, but the last thing they want to discuss over happy-hour drinks is my ovaries.

Then there are the friends who desperately want every detail and ask, "Are you pregnant yet?" every time we talk. Who needs that pressure?

I don't want to leave my friends out of my life and my thoughts, but I don't want to be the annoying baby-obsessed girl, especially when I have no idea how long it will be before I have a baby of my own. I know they can handle me as they have in the past, but I worry obsessing about babies is worse than being Bridezilla.

When I first got overwhelmed with my desire to procreate I saw no need to keep my lips sealed. But now as I watch friends have difficulties and learn that unprotected sex doesn't guarantee pregnancy, I start to think mum is the best word.

I want to share the joy and excitement I feel at the prospect of having children with my husband. I want all of my close friends to know what I'm going through and help me stay sane when I need to.

But I've never tackled any mission as personal as this one. What if something goes wrong? What if things go well for me and not for another friend? There are just so many emotions tied up in "trying."

I have nothing to hide, but I can just as easily keep to myself when I need to.

So maybe we're trying, maybe we have been for many months. Maybe I'm just being mysterious.

I'm sure the baby bump will give me away in time.

Laura Lewis is an adventurous newlywed who has loved, lost and doesn't mind sharing. Her column appears every other Thursday.