Best Picture: "Les Miserables"
I am a longtime fan of Les Miserables so when I heard there was going to be a movie, I was instantly geeked out (My inner theatre nerd is shining through right now). I spared the men of the world by electing to see the movie by myself the day it came out, so I could cry to myself as Anne Hathaway sang "I Dreamed a Dream" without being judged for being weird. And the movie was EVERYTHING. I really don’t care that Russell Crowe doesn’t sound like Josh Groban because the acting throughout this movie was so phenomenal. Seriously, they expressed themselves as effectively lyrically as they would have through spoken dialog and that takes tremendous skill. If it was up to me, Les Mis would win every award EVER. Point. blank. period. Best picture, obviously…every Oscar EVER, yep…World Peace Prize, why not? Les Mis, all day baby!
Note: I realize this award is most likely going to "Argo" despite my massive love of Les Mis. So if that does happen, I won’t be too upset. I just really hope that when Ben Affleck goes up to accept his award, he is decked out like his character in Pearl Harbor. Because he was---as Honey Boo-Boo’s parents would say---“SMEXY!”
Best Actor: Hugh Jackman, "Les Miserables"
Like I said. EVERY OSCAR EVER. But seriously, Hugh Jackman was an AMAZEBALLZ Jean Valjean. 1) He CAN ACTUALLY sing. 2) He had all the factors in the “Give him the Oscar” equation: Lost a crazy amount of weight, grew a beard, and turned his beautiful self into a fugly dude for a role. BAM. Hugh Jackman, you win.
Best Actress: Jennifer Lawrence, "Silver Linings Playbook"
I couldn’t believe she’s only 22. Maturity beyond her years, and when it comes to her role, she straight killed it like Hunger Games Style. Plus she got to make out with Bradley Cooper so even if something crazy happens and she doesn’t win the Academy Award, she’s still a winner.
Best Supporting Actor: Tommy Lee Jones, "Lincoln"
Lincoln is taking names across the board when it comes to winning awards, and for good reason. Tommy Lee takes this, not just because deserves it, but also because my dad’s name is also Tommy Lee. Haha!
Best Supporting Actress: Anne Hathaway, "Les Miserables"
Need I say more? Give her the biggest, sexiest Oscar statue ever, because that’s what I would want to comfort me if I had to look like I let a preschooler take pruning shears to my hair for a role. But in all honesty, let’s face it: home-girl has come a long way from Princess Diaries. She definitely made me cry in the movie more than once (don’t tell anyone…). And now that I have the soundtrack, I get to blame her for me looking like a fool at every stoplight as I belt out all of her vocal parts. Sorry not sorry…
Best Original Song: "Skyfall" by Adele
This is the ONLY exception to my “Les Mis Should Win EVERYTHING” rule. And I pick this because Adele runs my life. She is like the pied piper of single women and I’m forever in love with her music and ability to fuse man-hating and lyrical magic without looking like a psycho obsessed ex-girlfriend like Taylor Swift. Viva Adele!
Best Animated Feature Film: "Wreck-It Ralph"
Because I say so. Plus the name is a real tongue-twister…
Best Foreign Language Film: "Amour" (Austria)
Not that I’ve seen any of the foreign language films that were nominated. So I’m picking "Amour" strictly because I’m single and desperate and I need some Amour in my life…#SingleGirlProbz
Best Director: Stephen Spielberg, "Lincoln"
He’s Stephen Spielberg and I’m not about to go against him because “Lincoln” was epic and I’m afraid that if I pick anyone else in this category he will send all the dinosaurs from Jurassic Park after me.
Best Adapted Screenplay: Tony Kushner, “Lincoln”
Because “Lincoln” is going to smash everyone else’s Oscar dreams this year.
Best Original Screenplay: Mark Boal, "Zero Dark Thirty"
Amazing, thrilling movie. And any well-done movie about hunting down Osama Bin Laden is a winner in my book. GO AMERICA! (Starts U-S-A chant…)